I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
Randomize
