i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
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