The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
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