i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
Randomize
