3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
Randomize
