my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
Randomize
