I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
Randomize
