when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
Randomize
