sometimes i wish i had a whole other life to spend on youtube
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
Randomize
