Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
Drunk in a bar in Texas. The 24 y/o hottie I am chatting up just called me a male cougar. I am dealing with this whole turning 40 thing juuuust fine.
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
Lately I've been very attracted to Kevin Jonas because he's like...less hot than Joe, but he's this healthy mix of both Joe and Nick. It looks like he's finally growing into himself.
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
Randomize
