Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
Randomize
