Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
These tits shall not be calmed
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
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