You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
Hey in a lighter note I also nutted in that cheerleader too if she got prego there would have been a team reunion on Maury
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
Randomize
