You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
I drew a nude short fat middle aged woman today and liked it
It was honestly one of my favorite days in art class except for the 20 min she faced me and kept looking at me and we made eye contact
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
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