Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
it's circumsized.
I think this conversation is over.
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
Randomize
