I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
I love random hookups in covid sex. Usually girls think me about a one and a half to a two and a half but now that I got this mask on I'm a Solid 6.
Randomize
