i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
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