Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
Randomize
