if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Randomize
