I CAN MOONWALK!
it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
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