I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
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