Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
Randomize
