only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
Randomize
