Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
Randomize
