So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
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