By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
I said "one day" and that day is not today
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