he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
Randomize
