I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
Randomize
