She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
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