we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
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