I'm pants shitting drunk right now
Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
Hippo gnu deer
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
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