I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
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