I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
Randomize
