Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
in the practice room. just found 3 bottles of smirnoff hidden inside the piano. SO glad i didn't get into berklee...
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
Randomize
