Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
Randomize
