We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
Randomize
