Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
Randomize
