Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
Randomize
