The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
she kept yelling 'call me bella'
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
And then he peed in my hair
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