My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
Randomize
