that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
Randomize
