just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
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