first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
Randomize
