Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
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