you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
Randomize
