She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
Randomize
