ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
she had no gag reflex. and is an abercrombie model. i love college.
I booty called her while she was in labor.
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
Randomize
