90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
Randomize
