I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
Randomize
