haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
Randomize
