Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
Randomize
