I wish I could teleport
Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
Randomize
