SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
i wish there were pregnant emoticons
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
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