The Swedes wanted a tensome.
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
sick fucks of a feather flock together
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
Randomize
