I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
Randomize
