So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
She has dubbed herself the Pied Piper of Penis and keeps yelling about getting Cocktober started... Will send pix soon
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
Randomize
