just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
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