Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Randomize
