so this rather large man keeps buying us drinks.......then he licked my face....i dont really care though because the drinks are good. Is this bad?
she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
porn star boner night. come get it.
JAMES WASHOMGTON STATE ATTACKED US
WE'RE FYCKED UL HARDCORW
THE REISLING ATRACEX US
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
Randomize
