just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
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